In relation to the previous post - writing all massive amounts of to dos has helped quite a bit. There is now a framework to be built upon, items to check off, areas of the list to further clarify and break down. It feels good.
Other thoughts - I don't like my job anymore. But I also do not dislike it. It just is. I don't enjoy going to work every day.
Friday, 27 February 2015
Friday, 6 February 2015
Broken
I am broken and I don't know how to fix myself.
Actually that's not exactly true. I know what I should be doing - what I want to be doing. I just seem incapable of doing it.
Maybe that's the problem. There are so many things that I think I should be doing - improving myself, organizing things, labeling things, scheduling things, doing things. There are so many things and I'm just overwhelmed. Or maybe it's because there is no plan, no prioritization of these self-improvements, so instead of having a single thing to start on, I'm faced with everything at once and of course it doesn't work.
That's a thought. Collect all of these meta-things, organize and prioritize them. Try to change a single thing a week. Identify everything that is broken, all the ideas for fixing myself, and instead of trying to fix everything - fix one little thing. I'll still be broken, but just a tad less broken. Which is an improvement. Which is something.
Actually that's not exactly true. I know what I should be doing - what I want to be doing. I just seem incapable of doing it.
Maybe that's the problem. There are so many things that I think I should be doing - improving myself, organizing things, labeling things, scheduling things, doing things. There are so many things and I'm just overwhelmed. Or maybe it's because there is no plan, no prioritization of these self-improvements, so instead of having a single thing to start on, I'm faced with everything at once and of course it doesn't work.
That's a thought. Collect all of these meta-things, organize and prioritize them. Try to change a single thing a week. Identify everything that is broken, all the ideas for fixing myself, and instead of trying to fix everything - fix one little thing. I'll still be broken, but just a tad less broken. Which is an improvement. Which is something.
Monday, 2 February 2015
Musings to Write
I feel like I should start using this blogger thing more. I have so many issues and talking about things here would probably be good for me. I could do something similar on my twitter, but that is associated with my real life, and this blog on the other hand is much more anonymous. Which is great for things I don't want people to connect with me.
At work today some people were talking about parts of this event that I am no longer able to be a part of. And not the 'Too busy with other things to be a part of' but a 'Disagreements with higher ups on the totem pole and forced out' not a part of. I was in fact in charge of the event, and all the people actually involved with it agreed with my views on things, and the higher ups who didn't actually do anything with the event were on the other side. But that's not the focus of this complaint. There was discussion about how cool it was that the event now had a twitter and was doing things on facebook and whatnot. But I was the one who made the twitter account and the facebook page and even a website several years ago when I was still involved. The social media things they were gushing over were only a part of what I had started when I was involved, and the specific things they were discussing were all things I had started. They weren't involved in any of that back then and weren't now, so they were simply ignorant of the history of those things, but it was still hard to hear people praising others for things I had done. Especially because I am still not over the whole being forced out. One and a quarter years trying to get over it and I'm not sure how much I've actually done.
At work today some people were talking about parts of this event that I am no longer able to be a part of. And not the 'Too busy with other things to be a part of' but a 'Disagreements with higher ups on the totem pole and forced out' not a part of. I was in fact in charge of the event, and all the people actually involved with it agreed with my views on things, and the higher ups who didn't actually do anything with the event were on the other side. But that's not the focus of this complaint. There was discussion about how cool it was that the event now had a twitter and was doing things on facebook and whatnot. But I was the one who made the twitter account and the facebook page and even a website several years ago when I was still involved. The social media things they were gushing over were only a part of what I had started when I was involved, and the specific things they were discussing were all things I had started. They weren't involved in any of that back then and weren't now, so they were simply ignorant of the history of those things, but it was still hard to hear people praising others for things I had done. Especially because I am still not over the whole being forced out. One and a quarter years trying to get over it and I'm not sure how much I've actually done.
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